A week or so ago, I went back to teaching classes. I’m really fortunate to have only had to go back part-time, but even so, I was struck by severe anxiety the night before. While I was excited about having adult conversations (yay!) I was apprehensive about leaving my daughter with my husband all day. As if that weren’t enough, my husband then decided to book a photo shoot, meaning that my little one would be with him for part of the time, then my mother-in-law, then my dad.
Seriously? I wouldn’t have trusted Mary Poppins with my kid. And now this?
Needless to say, she survived and so did I. But if I didn’t feel good about my decision to (mostly) stay home with her before, I do now. For one thing, pumping at work sucks. I have a very strict schedule and since I’m a teacher, I can’t really take breaks. Since we’re in a rented location, there’s no lactation room. I ended up running to the empty upstairs bathroom to pump during my students’ fifteen minute break, simultaneously reporting any latenesses to my supervisor while ordering my lunch. I would NOT want to do that every day.
On the other hand, I’m glad that I have these days away from home because then the baby gets to be with other people and other parenting styles. My husband and I are diametrically opposed to the CIO method, so we rock her to sleep, hold her during every nap, and curl up with her at night. My MIL texted me in the middle of the day “Baby fussy. She cried herself to sleep.” (What?!?? I’m coming home right now.) But seeing that baby was mostly unscarred when I got home, it occurred to me that if I ever gave her the chance, she might actually fall asleep on her own.
So I survived my first weekend back, mostly intact and with only one major crying episode. How was your transition back to work?
I dreaded my first day back. Mostly because I had a horrible supervisor. Being a woman I thought she would understand, but she didn’t. It was rough. But I was fortunate enough to have found a sitter to watch my daughter while I was at work. My her soul rest in peace, she was really the only person other than my mom who I trusted (that wasn’t my husband). But then we realized sitter costs were pricey and we made the decision for me to stay home. Then when I had my son we knew I wasn’t go back. I’ve been home for 4 years.
But for you, that running up and down the stairs is too much. I wish more places were considerate of moms and provide them a comfy place to pump. Now that you’re a week in is it easier? lol baby crying it out. How is she?
It’s still a learning curve…I’m only there on weekends so the up and down thing isn’t too constant. But it kind of feels like leaving her for the first time over and over! I teach again this weekend so hopefully we’ll get adjusted…